A new status meant a new life. I had finally been appointed, and today I took my first step into the career I had been dreaming of for years. I could feel my heart pounding with excitement in my head all day long. This feeling had not left me alone even for a moment. Whenever it was quiet, the sound of my heartbeat echoed in my mind. So, I turned on one of my favorite songs on the computer in the corridor, letting its beautiful melody drown out the sound of my heart. As the soft music filled the corridor, this boring place seemed to brighten up a bit.
Interacting briefly with all the patients helped me feel a bit more at ease. It looked like I had also made some friends who would make it easier for me to get used to this place. While preparing the tray for patient 110 in the treatment room, a voice behind me startled me out of my thoughts.
"New person, new habits," said Havva, leaning against the desk with the computer.
Everyone had their own working style. Some preferred a quiet environment, some liked to spread their work out, and some chose to complain the whole time. As for me, I could never work without music.
I turned my gaze towards her, an automatic smile spreading across my face as I made eye contact with Havva. "Music helps me concentrate," I said, seeing her smile widen.
"I like listening to music while working too, but Ayşe abla is a bit fussy about it."
"Why?"
"She says we're working with the devil."
Havva's words made me laugh. "Working with the devil?" I said. "Is music the devil?"
"According to her, yes," Havva said. She then turned her back to me, opened the cabinet to her right, and knelt down. She had tied her waist-length hair at the nape of her neck, and her light brown hair covered a third of her back. Her slender body seemed to disappear into her black uniform. I shifted my gaze from Havva to the open cabinet. There were two boxes side by side on the floor. As she picked up the first box and stood up, she said, "Luckily, she's at lunch right now." She took a few steps and placed the box on the table. Lifting even a single box seemed to leave her breathless.
I pondered the information Havva had given me. For a moment, I looked at my life through Nurse Ayşe's window. I slept with music, woke up with music. I ate with it, read with it. "Then I must be the devil itself," I murmured. Havva must have heard this because she joined my giggles with her laughter, and I felt a warm feeling blossom between us. As I took the treatment tray and headed to Hayriye's room, Havva called out, "The devil definitely wouldn’t go to a patient's room with a treatment tray." I laughed. She was right. The devil wouldn't help someone in need. Neither I nor my beloved music were the devil. Maybe I just needed to convince Nurse Ayşe of music's healing power. Or at least make her understand we weren't the devil.
Holding the treatment tray with one hand, I knocked on the door of room 110 with the other. A tired voice said, "Come in," and I slowly opened the door and entered.
Hayriye was sitting on the bed, working on a test, while her mother was embroidering something on a piece of fabric. When I arrived, they both stopped what they were doing and focused on me. As I approached the bed, I made sure to make eye contact with both of them and greeted them with a nod before hanging the IVs on the stand. Trying to attach the perforated end of the IV to the metal pole, I said, "Dr. Murat ordered this for you. It will help you relax and have a better day." I took the catheter hanging from her pajama collar and connected it to the IV. Then, I set the dosage and started the IV flow.
"When you give me medicine, the letters in my book start to go on a trip," said Hayriye, lifting her slightly chubby arms as if performing the hardest task in the world. She slipped her short, thin fingers under the book cover and closed it in one swift motion. I lifted my head and glanced at the treatment tray. Taking a 5 cc syringe between my fingers, I began to open the package without delay. While my hands were busy, my mind was thinking of a response.
From what I understood, Hayriye was studying for university entrance exams. Despite looking pale, the sparkle in her eyes was clear for everyone to see. She was one of those patients who knew she was much more than this illness. I was happy for her. Unlike most of the hopeless eyes I had seen so far, the light in her eyes was contagious. I liked her. I liked her hope and love for life.
I looked into her eyes. Her brown eyes were slightly sunken, and the dark circles from fatigue made them appear even more recessed. Her plump body seemed to tremble slightly, a side effect of the medication and chemotherapy.
"When you pass the exam, you’ll be the one going on a trip," I said. She smiled.
"I hope so."
"It will happen. I've reviewed your files. There's no reason it shouldn't. The tumor in your lung is shrinking. After surgery, you'll be healthier than ever."
Hayriye smiled at me while her mother silently listened to our conversation. I glanced at her. There was a huge sadness on her face, with a hint of hope hidden behind it. They were the best-looking patient and relative I had seen so far. I couldn't wait for this duo to pack their bags and leave.
"Can you extend your arm? I need to take some blood," I said, taking the tourniquet in my hand. Hayriye rolled her eyes. "This is the part of the day I hate the most." I laughed lightly. "And if you knew this was the first blood sample I'm taking today..."
"Don't hurt me," she interjected. A slight tension showed on her face. I waved the syringe in the air and said, "Tell that to this friend here."
Hayriye and I had developed a warm relationship. One of the main reasons was her age being close to mine. Rather than just establishing a nurse-patient relationship, I wanted to be friends with my patients. Hayriye was proof that this friendship was possible.
After completing the blood draw, I gathered my belongings and prepared to leave the room. Before leaving, I looked at the duo behind me and said, "If you need anything, I'll be around."
The elderly woman, speaking for the first time since I arrived, said, "Thank you, my dear," and I felt much happier. This was one of the aspects I loved about this job. People were grateful to you. It could be one of the best feelings in the world for me.
I put on a happy expression, opened the door, and stepped into the corridor. As soon as I did, I bumped into someone. My quick effort to not drop the tray worked, but seeing the person I bumped into made my fingers tingle.
"You need to treat me, not run me over, Nurse," Beha said. I looked him over. Although I could have said he bumped into me, I didn't want to argue with someone I had just met, especially a patient I was responsible for. Instead, asking, "Are you okay?" seemed more sensible.
He straightened his clothes with his hands. "Cancer couldn’t knock me down; a little bump won’t either."
Eray Beha was a peculiar person. He seemed like he didn’t care about anything, but it was clear that wasn’t true. He tried to hide it, but I knew people like him well. They used their bodies and feelings as a prison, which consumed them from within.
"Are you okay?" he asked curiously. My thoughts dissipated like mist, revealing brown eyes looking at me. "Yes, yes, I’m fine." I raised the tray. "I almost messed up on my first day."
"Nice save," he said, his mood matching mine. When he smiled, his white teeth were revealed. Everyone's smile in this hospital was contagious! Tilting my head slightly back, I aligned my gaze with his eyes. "Where were you headed?" I asked, glancing down the corridor and back at him.
"Nowhere. I heard the music and got curious."
"Nothing much," I said, finding his curiosity odd. I didn’t understand why they found the music so interesting. Maybe no one had ever done something like this here before. Creating a bit of variety made me feel proud, though I tried not to show it. "I just wanted to add some color to the atmosphere."
"With music?"
"Why? Do you think it's the devil too?"
I tried to make a joke referencing Nurse Ayşe, but seeing Beha’s blank stare made me realize he didn’t understand anything.
"Never mind. I have work to do. I need to get this blood to the lab before it clots."
Beha nodded in agreement.
"See you later."
I was about to take a step when he grabbed my arm and stopped me. "Wait a minute," he said. Seeing my gaze fixed on his hand holding my arm, he must have realized he made a mistake and said, "Sorry," pulling his hand away. He seemed a bit tense.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine."
"Then what’s the problem?"
"It might be better to turn off the music," he said, as the empty corridors were filled with the song "Yüksek Sadakat- Fener." The music was playing at a low and non-disruptive volume.
"Why? Don’t you
like it?"
"I like it, but I don’t think others here can tolerate it. I don’t want you to get into trouble on your first day."
It was nice of him to think about me, but I didn’t think there would be any trouble. After all, everyone loved music. Who would make a fuss over such soft music playing?
"Thanks for the warning, but I don’t think there will be a problem." After a brief silence, Eray spoke.
"Your call. I just shared my opinion as a patient."
I was curious about what he had thought during that short silence. His gaze always seemed thoughtful. I asked out of curiosity.
"What do you think about this?"
"About playing music in the ward?"
I nodded in agreement.
"Everything has its place. Music is played at parties, not at funerals. This place is no different from a funeral home. I see this song as a wall between you and us, a wall you will never overcome to understand us." He emphasized his last sentence.
I listened quietly. I was surprised that just a piece of music meant so much to him. As my gaze wandered over his smooth face, his eyes locked on something behind me. I turned to see what he was looking at. A man in his fifties was angrily scanning the corridor, seemingly searching for something. Ignoring him, I turned back to Eray, but he was no longer in front of me. I scanned the corridor to see where he had gone, but I couldn’t see him from where I stood. Shaking my head disapprovingly, I prepared to leave Hayriye’s room when the man behind me called out. "Nurse!"
"Yes?"
"What is this music? Are you mocking us?" The man’s angry voice echoed in the corridor, making my heart race. "I don’t understand?" I murmured. Beha's warning crashed into my mind. Just then, the music stopped, and my eyes moved to the speaker above the wall.
"Of course, you’re all fine, everything is perfect for you. You listen to these things. What a thoughtless hospital. I’m going to report you!"
The stream of sentences coming from the man left me speechless. I couldn't believe I was experiencing something like this on my first day. Then, a voice at the end of the corridor caught my attention, and I turned to look.
"Sir!" Beha called out, walking towards us with a serious expression on his face. "What's going on here?"
"These nurses are having a music party, that's what's going on," the old man said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his brown linen trousers and standing in front of Beha.
"You seem to love speaking without knowing the facts. The nurses weren't having a party. The music's off now. Stop making a fuss and go back to your patient."
The old man frowned, his gaze locked on Beha, and my heart quivered with fear. Just then, I saw Dr. Emre and Havva returning from lunch and heading towards us, which made me feel a bit more relieved.
"Tell me, young man, what don't I know?" the patient’s relative asked. His wrinkled face was now deeply lined as he frowned. His thick eyebrows gave him a frightening expression, while his graying hair slightly softened the shadow on his face. With this intimidating look, the old man fully turned his body towards Beha. It was as if he had forgotten about me and the music. There was a challenging look on the old man's face. I hated people like him. Who wouldn't? These types were the poison of society, always showing off their power against women or helpless individuals instead of kindly asking. While a small part of me wanted Beha to put him in his place, the larger part hoped everyone would just go their separate ways without causing a scene.
"I played the music. Do you have a problem with that?" Eray Beha said. His tone was quite menacing. Seeing the darkness in his eyes, the small part of me that wanted him to put the old man in his place shrank and hid.
"This isn't your father's farm, young man. You can't just play music and annoy the whole ward whenever you want."
A cold smile appeared on Beha's lips for a few seconds and then disappeared. "If I had known it bothered you this much, I wouldn't have turned it off. My apologies," he said, his tone quite mocking.
"Are you mocking me?" the man shouted, pushing Beha by the shoulders. Beha staggered back a step. Sensing trouble, Emre quickly ran over. With an authoritative voice, he asked, "What's going on here?" His gaze held a mix of curiosity and anger. As I watched, cursing the moment I had turned on the music, I knew this was escalating.
The man buried his anger and turned his gaze to Emre. "Nothing, Doctor. We've handled it," he said, walking away as Emre and Havva's eyes turned to us. I didn't know whether the old man had left out of respect for Emre or fear, but his departure was a relief.
Emre looked at Beha and me with curiosity in his blue eyes while Havva asked, "What happened? Tell us." When I glanced at Beha, I caught him looking at me. Smiling slightly, he said, "I saved the day as usual." His expression made me think he was amused. He was half-smiling and seemed quite satisfied with himself. Echoing his earlier words, I said, "Nice save."
"I didn't think it was much of a save," Emre said, the sarcasm in his voice catching my attention.
"Why do you say that?" I asked. Dr. Emre fixed his gaze on Beha. "It seemed to me that I was the one who saved the day."
"Yes, if we hadn't arrived, Eray would have probably attacked that man, adding another problem to our already burdened lives," Havva confirmed. When I looked at Beha, he shrugged. His gaze flicked between the two of them. "You two are killjoys, made for each other," he said, then turned his back on us and walked away, his weary body carrying his even wearier legs. My gaze lingered on the couple, surprised to learn that they were together. Havva shouted after the retreating Beha, "Don't play games that need to be stopped." Beha shrugged again and continued walking. Emre turned to me and asked, "What exactly happened?"
"I learned not to play music in the ward," I explained.
"I couldn't have anticipated this. If I had known, I would have warned you," Havva said apologetically.
"It's not a problem. Beha warned me, but I didn't listen."
"Eray warned you?" Dr. Emre asked, sounding astonished.
"Yes, is that strange?"
Emre laughed. "No, it's not strange. It means he can think of others besides himself and Yasemin," he said. As Havva laughed at Emre's comment, a sudden realization made me tense up. "Oh no, I forgot the blood!" I said in a panic. I quickly ran to the treatment room and filled the tubes with the blood from the syringe. Fortunately, it hadn't clotted. Going back to Hayriye to draw more blood would have been truly embarrassing.
As I labeled the tubes, I thought that my first day couldn't get any worse. What could be worse than this?