الفصل 17

I opened my eyes with a ringing in my ears and a feeling of numbness in my head. For a moment, I couldn't understand where I was or what had happened to me as I looked around. When I saw my father standing by the window, hands clasped behind his back, watching outside, I quickly sat up. My eyes widened in fear. At that moment, the images from the basement flashed before my eyes. Realizing I had come to my senses, he immediately turned and came to me. "My daughter, are you okay?" He looked worried. He sat beside me, placed his hand on my hair, and stroked it affectionately. "You scared me. Should I call the doctor?" I thought he would be angry, but he was looking at me with affection. "I'm fine, Dad," I said.

"You fainted. One of the guards found you on the lower floor," he said, his face looking very calm. Did he not know I had seen what was downstairs? Hesitantly, not knowing how he would react to my question, I looked into his eyes and asked. "Did you do what I saw in the basement?" He averted his eyes and thought for a short while. With a sigh, he answered without looking at me. "My dear daughter, you heard yourself what Zerrin did. They are unforgivable things." "Still, what you did isn't right. You can't achieve justice this way. You could hand them over to the authorities and do everything to ensure they get the punishment they deserve," I said. "I know how merciful your heart is, my daughter. What you saw there upset you greatly, maybe even scared you, but believe me, no matter how much I torture them, they can't give back the twenty years they took from us. They deprived me of the woman I loved so much for years. They deprived me of my child's scent. I couldn't watch you grow up. I was too late for you, my daughter." It was clear from his demeanor that he was very sad as he spoke. "But by doing this, you become guilty too. That man might be dead. I can't get the image of his wife out of my mind. Please, Dad, let them go," I said. He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. Then he suddenly hugged me. "Don't worry about these things, my beautiful daughter. I will do what's necessary tomorrow. Besides, the man is alive." He stroked my back and breathed in my scent. I hugged him back and closed my eyes. I thought I could never replace my father Yusuf, but perhaps this is how blood ties work; I now saw him as my father. When he pulled away, he smiled bittersweetly. "You'll fly away from the nest before I've had my fill of you. I know you love Sarp. I always want you to be happy, my daughter, and I'm always by your side, know that. Never be afraid of me, never run from me. Share everything with me. From now on, let's enjoy being father and daughter. I want you to give me this chance, my beautiful daughter." When he finished speaking, I smiled and said, "Okay, Dad," hugging his neck. "Mom will get better too. We will all be very happy together. I will do everything I can for that too."

************ The wedding was only a few days away. Therefore, the preparations needed to be completed quickly. Today, we were going shopping with Sarp's mother, Aylin Hanım, and his sister, Sibel. Sarp couldn't come because he had work at the office. I wore blue jeans and a white blouse with straps. Since the weather was cooler, I also put on a thin white jacket. I was sitting in front of the mirror, watching Hatice abla braid my hair in a fishbone style. "Your hair is so beautiful, my dear Ceyda. It's so soft like silk and holds any style." "Thank you, Hatice abla, your hair looks nice too." "Don't be fooled by how it looks, my dear. My hair is very stubborn; combs don't go through it easily," she said, and I smiled. "Hatice abla, do you have any news about Zerrin?" "Yes. Early this morning, your father had Zerrin and the couple with her taken out of the house." "Where do you think my father sent them?" "Well, from what I heard from the guys in the garden, he sent Zerrin abroad somewhere. I don't know exactly where. Actually, he was going to hand her over to the authorities, but he couldn't bear to because Atlas Bey was so upset. I don't know where they sent the other couple. Both of them were in a miserable state. If you had seen them, neither could walk. The guards held them by the arms and took them away." "Actually, I'm very soft-hearted, Hatice abla, but I can't feel sorry for them. They literally ruined our lives," I said. "How did you all put up with that witch for so many years?" She paused and looked at my face; her hands braiding my hair had stopped. "What?" I said, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

She looked like she was about to say something. "Tell me, Hatice abla, what were you going to say?" "My dear Ceyda, actually, I had been suspicious of Zerrin for a long time. But I couldn't tell your father. I was afraid they wouldn't understand and would think I was slandering her. After all, who am I, just a servant in the house. Recently, Zerrin was arguing with someone on the phone. I overheard once. She was shouting, 'Kill that madwoman already! I've paid you enough money!' I was cleaning the next room. When I slowly approached the slightly open door, I saw you. You were listening to her, just like me." "Then the postman brought a package for Zerrin. I received the package and gave it to Zerrin Hanım. A day or two later, I saw the same envelope in the kitchen trash. It had some food stains on it, but for some reason, I was very curious about what was inside. When I opened the envelope and saw the contents, I was very surprised. I had never seen your mother; I don't know her. I've worked in this house for about ten years. I only saw her a few times in your father's desk drawer when I was cleaning his study." Hatice abla was talking, and I was listening intently. "When I asked your father, he said, 'My late wife, I lost her.' After finding it in the trash, I asked your grandmother what happened to Aziz Bey's former wife. She told me everything, God bless her. Then I was sure about my suspicions regarding Zerrin. I knew you were also suspicious of Zerrin, so I put the documents in her drawer and left the key in an easy-to-find place, visibly on her bedside table," she said. "I knew you would get curious and search the room. Don't ask why I didn't come to you, my dear; I couldn't." I stood up and hugged her. So, she had helped me find the documents. "Thank you, Hatice abla," I said, my eyes welling up. "Come on, let's go downstairs. Your mother-in-law will be here soon," she said. Her eyes were also teary. "Don't cry and ruin your makeup," she said. We left the room smiling. ******

When my grandmother and I went out to the garden, the car I had sent for Yasemin entered through the garden gate. When Elif and Aslı got out of the car, I was very surprised. "Where's Yasemin?" I asked. "What, don't you like us?" said Aslı. "Yasemin was supposed to come." "She had some very important business, sweetie. That's why she sent us." While hugging and kissing the girls, I simultaneously called Yasemin on my phone. "Yasemin, what business could be more important than me?" I snapped loudly. "Oh, come on, can't I have more important things than you?" "No, you can't, especially not on a day like this," I said, my voice raised. Her not keeping her promise had irritated me a bit. "Wait, calm down, I'll explain," she said, but before she could explain, I understood who she was with from the voice coming from her side. "Yasemin, who are you talking to, my beauty?" a male voice said. "Yasemin, is that my brother?" I asked. "Where are you?" "We're at your brother's house, my dear. He called me, so I came here."

"What? He called you?" I was very surprised. The girls were also looking at me in surprise. I had moved a bit away so my grandmother wouldn't hear. "Yasemin, can you give the phone to my brother?" I said. When my brother took the phone, I said, "Brother, how are you? Where are you? I was so worried about you." "My beauty, I needed to clear my head a bit. I'm very happy for you. I wanted to be with you, but you know, I needed some rest." "Brother, tell me where you are; I'll come to you," I said. "Aren't you going wedding shopping? I'll come later, my beauty. I'm kissing you now," he said. Apparently, he was in good spirits with Yasemin. ****** In the car driven by Cem, I, my two sweet friends, and my soon-to-be sister-in-law Sibel were sitting. My grandmother and Aylin Hanım were in the car ahead, driven by Erdem. Since I had introduced her to my friends on the engagement night, they weren't strangers. We chatted and laughed all the way. Cem occasionally looked at us through the rearview mirror. It seemed his eyes were stuck on Elif. We had arrived at a large store in Nişantaşı. I had tried on many beautiful bridal gowns and traditional dresses. Finally, I put on the wedding dress I had been mesmerized by. It was amazing. I came out of the fitting room and stood in front of the mirror. "It looks very beautiful on you, my beautiful girl," said Aylin Hanım. She came to me and looked me over with great admiration. "I think you should take this one." For some reason, I had immediately warmed to Aylin Hanım. She was a very kind woman. I turned from the mirror and looked at them one by one for approval. They all loved the dress as much as I did.

Smiling, I said, "I think so too. I really like this dress." I turned around, looking at myself in the mirror. The dress had strapless sleeves decorated with feathers. The bottom was very wide. A princess model. I was feeling excited. If someone had told me I'd be getting married at twenty, I definitely wouldn't have believed it. Although I had married Sarp under duress, I was now in love with him, I loved him, even without properly knowing him. We left the bridal shop and entered another store. We bought various lingerie, nightgowns, makeup products, and many other things. After shopping, we took a break at a cafe. While drinking our coffees, Elif and Aslı left to go to the restroom. A moment later, I jumped up at the sound of shouting. It was the voices of our girls. I saw Cem pointing a gun at someone a little ahead. I quickly reached them. The person Cem was pointing the gun at was Aslı's ex-boyfriend, Alp. It was obvious from his appearance that he had been roughed up. The people in the cafe were panicking. "What's going on here?" I said, looking fearfully at Cem and Alp. "Sister-in-law, this idiot was hurting Aslı Hanım," said Cem. "What's it to you? Do I have to ask you how to treat my girlfriend?" said Alp, clenching his teeth and breathing heavily. "Cem, lower the gun," I said. Cem looked at me, thought for a few seconds, and lowered his gun. Glancing at Aslı, who was crying and clinging to Erdem, I said, "Alp, Aslı doesn't want you. Now get out of here, and don't bother the girl again." Alp said, "Wow, look at Ceyda. She has hitmen ready to kill at her word. Have you taken up being a mobster?" as he took a step or two towards me. "Come here, you! Where do you get this courage?" Cem said, grabbing Alp by the collar and dragging him outside. Aylin Hanım suddenly hugged me and said, "Are you okay, my girl?"

"I'm fine," I answered her. My grandmother was also alarmed. As we were leaving the cafe, Erdem was still walking with his arm around Aslı. Aslı didn't seem to mind either. Since Alp worked out of town, he had been fooled by the distance, believing Aslı wouldn't find out, and had cheated on her. But something he hadn't anticipated happened. His girlfriend had called Aslı and told her to back off. My dear friend was very upset. She had just pulled herself together when Alp saw her at a cafe he went to with his friends and told her he was very sorry and wanted her back. When Aslı refused, he tried to use force, grabbing her arm tightly to take her away. I had thought the reason for their breakup was just that they couldn't see each other often. I was very surprised when she told me in the car. The reason she hadn't told me was that I already had enough problems, and she didn't want to bother me. But the five of us friends—Yasemin, Elif, Aslı, Kaya, and I—love each other very much and always share our troubles. When I got home, I first ran to my mother's room. I told her about what was bought for me today and how happy I was. I talked, and she listened, looking into my eyes. Though I don't know if she understood me. As I was about to leave the room to go to my own room, I heard someone call my name. "Ceyda." It was our family doctor, Koray Bey. "How nice to see you," he said, smiling. "How are you?" I smiled back at him. "You've been seeing me quite often the last few days." "Yes, every time I see you, I'm mesmerized as if it's the first time, Ceyda," he said, his smile fading. "I hope you're aware of what's coming out of your mouth," I said, frowning. I had turned to head towards my room when he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. With great surprise, I looked into his green eyes. "Wait, Ceyda, I need to talk to you."

"Let go of my arm," I said, trying to free my arm from his grasp. Holding my arm tighter, he said, "I know you didn't marry that man willingly. I was captivated by you at first sight, Ceyda. If you say yes to me, I'll take you away from here. You'll be mine." "You're crazy. Let me go, or I'll scream at the top of my lungs," I said. "Get out of here! And we're entrusting my mother to a pervert like you. I'll tell my father everything." He took a deep breath and said, "Okay, I'm going. Don't tell anyone about me," and let go of my arm. "Think carefully about what I said. We'll talk again later," he said and left. As soon as my father came home, I would tell him to fire this man and find another doctor. ************ Today was a big day for me. We were going to have a henna night among the women. Unfortunately, Sarp wouldn't be coming today either. I took off my pink pajamas and put on black shorts and a comfortable maroon t-shirt. I left my room and ran down the stairs with great joy. Entering the living room, I first kissed my grandmother's cheeks. Then I hugged my grandfather and father and went to the table. All three were smiling at me. "Always be this cheerful, my daughter," said my father. Then my grandfather spoke. "You grew up away from us, so we couldn't see you running around joyfully in this house. We missed your childhood, and now you're flying away again before we can see you like this." I felt sad for a moment, putting myself in their shoes. "Oh, Ahmet, how can you say that? On such a beautiful day for our granddaughter," my grandmother chided my grandfather.

Smiling bittersweetly, I said, "I'm not going far just because I'm getting married, am I? Besides, I'll come often and run around the house, don't worry. This time, you'll get tired of me and say, 'Ceyda, my girl, don't you have your own house?'" We all laughed and chatted together. "Dad, isn't my brother coming?" "He'll come tomorrow," he said. "He needed to get away to process the shock he experienced. He'll come tomorrow, and your brother will tie the ceremonial belt around you. He won't leave you alone on your happiest day." "Um, Dad, there's one more thing." How should I tell him? If I told him directly, I couldn't predict what would happen to that doctor. "That doctor, Koray Bey, I just don't have a good feeling about him. Couldn't you find another doctor instead?" "Why? Did he do something wrong to you?" he said, frowning. "No, it's just that he seems careless about his job. Let's find a better doctor for Mom," I said. Nodding in agreement, he said, "Okay, my daughter. I'll talk to Koray and find a better doctor." One of the guards came into the living room and said to my father, "Sir, flowers have arrived for Ceyda Hanım from Sarp Bey. Where would you like us to put them?" I was smiling with great excitement as my father said, "Bring them to the living room." A guard entered the living room holding a huge bouquet of red roses. Then another guard came in with an even larger flower arrangement. Then another. I stood up in great astonishment; the flowers seemed endless. The living room was filled with flowers. Finally, when the flowers stopped coming and the guards left, I started counting. There were exactly twenty—as many as my age.

I was overflowing with happiness. It was as if I were in a dream. Everything was going so well. I didn't want this spell to ever break. There were small notes in each of the flowers. Reading them made me excited. ****** Evening had come, and I had gotten ready with the help of my friends. A hairdresser and makeup artist had come. I held the sides of my red traditional henna dress. I took deep breaths, trying to calm my excitement. "My dear Ceyda, you're so excited?" said Elif. All three of them laughed heartily. "If you're this excited tonight, I wonder what you'll do tomorrow." I frowned and looked at them. "Just you wait. When that day comes, I'll make fun of you too," I said. "That day isn't far away, you know. Yasemin and your brother have really hit it off. Elif, Cem Bey couldn't take his eyes off you all day yesterday. And don't even get me started on Aslı; you were quite content in Erdem's arms yesterday," I said, and all three looked at me and each other in surprise. "Now, come on, let's go downstairs," I said, starting to walk towards the door. If they made fun of me, I would throw everything back in their faces. The large hall of the house was very crowded; I hadn't expected so many people. We were having the henna night among the women. The men would have their own celebration separately. In the neighborhood where I grew up, during henna nights, the groom would take the bride's henna- stained hand and wash it after visiting seven mosques. I wondered if Sarp would come and wash my hand. One mosque would be enough for me. Sarp's relatives, my relatives whom I had never met—many women had come. I greeted them all and sat in the place prepared for me. Firuze abla, who entered, approached me and hugged me.

"My Ceyda, you look so beautiful. I missed you so much," she said. "I missed you too, Firuze abla," I said. She took my hand and said, "Come on, get up. Tonight is your night; let's have fun." My friends, Firuze abla, Sibel, and I all started dancing with the music turned up. The guests who saw us joined in. That's right, tonight was my night. So I was going to have a good time. I hadn't been able to see Kaya for days due to the busy schedule, but he would come tomorrow. We were dancing and shouting along to the songs. Everyone was having a great time. "Ceyda!" I turned at Sibel's call. She took my hand and pulled me. "It's time for the henna application. Come on," she said, seating me on a chair placed in the center. Sibel applied henna to one of my hands, and Elif to the other. Aylin Hanım placed a gold coin in my palm. They put the gloves of my red henna dress on my hands and tied the strings. They sang dramatic folk songs to make me cry, but I didn't cry. We had a lot of fun for the rest of the night as well. I went to the restroom in the corridor to use the toilet. After I was done, I was walking out when, before I could understand what was happening, a hand pulled me back. An arm wrapped around my neck from behind; I could feel his breath on my neck. Hesitantly, I said, "Who are you?" When he said, "It's me, my beauty," I realized it was Koray. My eyes opened in horror. "Let go!" I shouted. His arm was tightening around my throat. "I'll let go if you don't shout," he said.

"Okay, let go," I said. He loosened his grip and turned me towards him. "This wedding won't happen, Ceyda," he said, staring into my eyes with his green ones. He was still very close to me. He was holding my arms tightly and wouldn't let go. No matter how much I struggled, I couldn't free my arms. "You can't marry him. You will be mine. We're leaving here right now," he said, forcibly dragging me towards the kitchen. "You can't get out of here. The guards will shoot you. Let me go!" I shouted. "Nothing will happen. I'm not leaving without you. Did you think I would leave you with that scoundrel? You don't even love him. You will love me." At that moment, Sarp's voice echoed. "What the hell is going on here?" We both stopped. When I looked back, Sarp was approaching us with all his might. Thank God, I was saved. Sarp's face was tense with anger; he looked terrifying. Should I be happy I was saved or sad? He rushed over and freed me from Koray's grasp. "You bastard!" he said, grabbing Koray by the collar and headbutting him. "Whose wife are you trying to take?" he swore, throwing punches at Koray, who had fallen to the ground. "Sarp, you'll kill him! Stop!" I said several times, but Sarp, in his rage, couldn't hear me. "Stop, that's enough!" Koray shouted.

"Ceyda doesn't love you, understand? She loves me!" he said. Sarp suddenly stopped and lifted his head, turning to me. With great shock, I shook my head and looked at Sarp. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe that I didn't love him.